Does happiness increase worry?

   So there's something that I noticed recently, the happier a person gets the more that person tends to worry, especially if that person was used to not being happy beforehand.

   I only noticed this because as I get happier and happier in my life with another person I tend to question more and more of what I do as bad behaviour that is going to affect that happiness. Even if realistically I know that what I'm doing isn't wrong or won't cause issues I still assume it's going to because I'm expecting something to go wrong.

   Now weather this is due to an innate insecurity or if it's to do with my mind sabotaging itself to be unhappy it is making writing a hell of a lot easier as a past time. Writing (especially creative writing) for me tends to absorb the entire mind; while you're creating something it is easy to pour everything that you have into what you're doing.

  Not sure what to thing about this but I'm sure no good will come of it, only time will tell.

The Persistence of Happiness

Today a friend of mine posted something on facebook that made me think.

      It was basically the story of how him and his girlfriend had been walking around the aisles of the local Tesco when they had reached one of the various seasonal offerings. Remembering that this is early September he noticed that the entire display was filled to the brim with festive snowmen, chocolate Santa's and god alone knows how many other different types of Christmas based offering.

      His first reaction was the same as most people's when it comes to such an early display of commercial festive offerings, he was about to get grumpy. In his own words the grumpy bastard that lurks in the heart of every Englishmen was about to leap out and start grumbling about it being far too early, however before this could happen his girlfriend stepped forward and picked up one of the festive snowmen. Now instead of being upset that the commercial side of Christmas has begun to show it's face so early his girlfriend was overjoyed to be seeing something as pleasant as a festive snowman, no matter what time of year it is.

    Now my friend said that this made him feel glad to see the festivities even this early because his girlfriend reminded him that sometimes things can be just enjoyable no matter when they happen, and seeing these Christmas traditions flaunted for obvious commercial gain so early on in the year doesn't change or spoil how you celebrate your festive season.

    Now honestly I can't say how accurate a representation of this story I have conveyed here as it was told to me via a facebook status, and to be completely truthful I'm not even sure if my friends 'girlfriend' is even his girlfriend, I just made the assumption based on the status (He used her first name and I don't know anything about his love life) but I do have something to say about it all.

   Some people have this fantastic way of viewing and speaking about life that can stop you in your tracks and make you think, which believe me in our modern society is a hell of an achievement. Considering how much life seeks to dumb the world down there will always be people that can make you want to be better, and make you want to see things in a better way. It is these people that really make your life worth living, and for most of us it is these people that we end up spending our entire lives with...or at least looking for

A Sense of Agency

A sense of agency is that feeling that keeps people going, that feeling that makes you push through for what you want even when life throws obstacles into your path. It is for a lack of this feeling that most of the worlds problems of unemployment can probably be traced, in our modern world it is difficult to feel like carrying on through troubles, especially when the troubles appear to permeate every aspect of our lives.

  Agency differs from motivation in that motivation can fail. Someone can be totally motivated to do something, but loose all of their motivation when something gets in their way. It is agency that would keep people pushing beyond barriers when their motivation fails. More than that though agency is a persons capacity to perform actions in the world.

  So why am I bringing this up? Well because agency is something that I have had issues with in the past and still do. I haven't found myself working on Gangs of Rain Street or the Alchemist in the past few weeks, mainly since I got back to my house in Newport. I've had a few ideas for short stories and added maybe a few sentences to Rain St, but since I stopped being in a relatively  bad or uncomfortable place I stopped being able to write.

  Part of me thinks this is a lack of agency but part of me thinks this is the old adage of the artists suffering being his creativity. I have no idea what the future days will bring, but perhaps my worry at not being able to produce consistently will make me feel bad enough to write a lot again? Hopefully anyway